Worst Patient Olympics

candidate #2

the end of the year means a lot of things to different people. to some, it means you eat a lot. to others, it's all about family.

to people who have met their health insurance deductible, it can mean only one thing-free surgery!!

the end of the year is surprisingly busy for certain kinds of docs, docs that do things that may be considered 'elective surgeries.' like getting that knee that's been bothering you some time looked at, or that pesky hernia you've had ever since you helped your uncle charlie switch out his big old tube TV for the new plasma, or even that funny growth you've had on the side of your neck removed.

so you've met your deductible. that means free surgery. THAT much you do know. you don't know much about medicine or anything like that, that's for the nerds you made fun of in high school (those nerds, coincidentally, are now your doctors and accountants and engineers-imagine that!). one thing those nerds with soft hands do worry about is what kinds of meds you use. now, you did have those stents placed in you heart in April (eat vegetables? more fiber? what do i look like, a rabbit? i'm a MAN, and i eat whatever the damn heck i feel like, and that means MEAT and POTATOES), and so you've been on blood thinners since then.

whatever. if being on that dang blood-thinner means i can't have my surgery now, while it's free, then i'll just stop taking it. or i'll tell him that i stopped a while ago. yeah, sounds like a plan.

so my patient blatantly lied to his surgeon about being on a potent blood thinner, or anti platelet aggregator. think plavix, only better and more badass. i did some research on the drug, and it turns out it is undetectable in plasma, which may explain why this guys presurgery labs turned out okay. also, it is a competitive inhibitor, which means that the only way to get rid of the stuff is to bleed it out. the website recommends stopping effient at least 7 days prior to any planned surgery. seven. not 2, or three, but seven. SEVEN.

did my patient lie about being on the drug? yes. did he discontinue the drug 7 days prior? no. did he start to bleed like crazy on the capillary level were he got his non-essential, non-life threatening, elective surgery days before Christmas? yes. did he end up almost dying and having to have emergency surgery, get intubated, right before the holidaze? yup, yup, yuppers and sure did.

the things people do. seriously.