we had a sooper cool L&D nurse. she was nice. my wife was induced because male child number 1 came about a week late (he was ackshully born on the day he was scheduled to be induced), and weighed in a 9-ish pounds.
i've never passed anything out of any of my orifices that weighed 9 pounds, but lemme tell you, even with an epidural, it did NOT look pretty.
i'm not gonna post any pictures, so you're going to have to uses your imagination. so, walk with me. from the bottom, you have, of course, the anus. above that, there is the vagina, or the birth canal. now, this is important; those are TWO separate orifices, and should always be kept apart. sometimes, when babies come, the vagina tears. it usually tears down, towards the anus. there are different levels of tearing. grade one is minimal, and 4 means the hole for your vagina and your anus have...........become one. literally. this is not a good thing.
anyways, my first male child made a mess coming into this world. it wasn't quite a grade 4, but close. lets put it this way, when i asked the doc how bad it was, he said 'well, its at least a 3.....' then he trailed off, poked the 'mess,' hummed, 'hmmmmmmm' to himself, and then threw in a few more stitches.
i quit asking how bad it was.
so my biggest concern going in to the second male child was; how can we minimize the tearing? the doc (a different doctor, by the by) said that with second children, the moms usually tear less, so that was reassuring.
we also mentioned my concerns to my nice L&D nurse, and she taught me the new word 'o' the week.
she's was all, 'yeah, that why when i had my kid, i did an elective c-section. no way did i want a vaganus.' (pronounced vag-anus)
ta-da! my new favorite word of the week. it may very well be common L&D lingo, but it was new to me, and funny. funnier too, since...........
baby is healthy (if a little cross-eyed-that'll go away, right? maybe? hopefully?) and so is the baby momma. and, no vaganus. yay!
a.b., if you're reading this, um, ....... please don't be scared. like they say, the juice is worth the squeeze. according to Spouse. and she would know, because she didn't want a vaganus the second time around either.
9 comments:
Wow, congratulations!
Way to go Mrs. J!
Is it bad that I knew exactly what vaganus meant without hearing it before? Too funny, and awfully descriptive. Hahaha!
I have never heard of "vaganus". We called them "vaginal C-sections"
Congratulations to YOU!! :)
How wonderful! :) 9lbs! wow! That is some bruiser! :)
oh, and quite a lot of babies are sort of cross-eyed at birth, but it should go away, if it doesn't he *might* require corrective lenses...but don't worry at this point.
i'm glad u didn't read my post from this am before u had your baby.... :(
congrats!! yay for no vaganus!
oooomg. Vaganus=another 2 years of birth control for me. Mr. Hood nurse thanks you.
Yay for being a daddy again!!!!
Also.....for the record, I've had a 9 pounder and a 10 pounder with THIRD DEGREE TEARS.....TWICE! Not so good. But alas, it was not a vaganus for me. Thank God.
As I was reading your description I chuckled thinking how interesting it would have been if you had the female anatomy "down there" all wrong. Both as a husband and as a nurse. You would have had some 'splanin' to do.
Congrats! Why is it that some women can push out 10 lb babies and barely get a 1st degree, and then you get these ladies with 5 lb babies, and it's like a hand grenade went off down there? So unfair.
Congrats congrats congrats!!!
And *YES*!!! I love the new word--haven't heard it before either. Then again I am always surprised when ER lingo slips out that no one has heard before...doesn't everyone call MI's "Jammers"?
Happy to hear that momma and bébé are healthy!
Yay!!
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